July 2021 – Yelco State of Mind

I was on a late evening chicken nugget run for the kids and decided to go through the drive-thru at one of the fast-food joints in town. I ordered, drove around, and paid for the food like a normal tax-paying citizen. When the young lady handed me the food she said, “Thank you. Your straw is in the bag.” I thanked her and proceeded to drive out of the parking lot. But then I realized something—I didn’t order a drink.

I opened the sack and, sure enough, there was a straw laying right there amid all the chicken nuggets and sweet and sour sauce packets. But, why? We went on to the house, ate dinner, and carried on with the rest of the night, but for some reason, I could not get that poor lost straw out of my mind.

After spending way too much time thinking about it, I concluded that the woman at the drive-thru window was so accustomed to handing customers a drink before or after their food that it was simply a habit for her to put the straw in the bag and let the customer know it was in there. It may even be company policy. Possibly, it is just something she decided to do after repeating the scenario thousands of times.

Whatever the reason, it made me reflect on my behavior and how I could potentially fall victim to making the same mistake with my interactions with people on any given day. One thing I have noticed about soul searching or doing a “check-up from the neck up” is that, if you REALLY do it the right way, you often won’t like the results. This time was no different.

How many times had I kissed my wife or told her that I love her purely out of habit? Did I even think about the action or the words at all? I wonder if she could tell the difference. How many times have my children wanted to tell me something and I just halfway listen to them? Their youthful enthusiasm will only last so long. Did I give their conversation the attention it deserved?

Have I had a friend who needed someone to talk to or a bit of advice? Were they using small talk to help build up the nerve to ask a question that might be hard for them to ask? I hope my indifferent or un-attentive attitude didn’t deter them from trusting our friendship enough to speak freely. Am I doing the best I can at work, or have I been on cruise control? Are there people or causes that I could have helped along the way if I hadn’t been for going through the motions nonchalantly?

I got some marriage advice from a man once that has stuck with me for a long time. To paraphrase, he told me that marriage was like traveling down a river in a 2-person canoe. If no one paddles the canoe, then it just goes wherever the river takes it. To get where you are doing, both people must be paddling in the same direction. I think this advice is not only great for marriage but also can be applied to life in general. If nothing else, just to remember that you are “on the river in a canoe” may help us be more deliberate with our behavior and how it relates to other people.

Being “deliberate”—I really like that term and I wish I could take credit for it. In my opinion, it is the best word to use when describing how we can keep from getting stuck in our behavioral ruts. I’ve tried this in my daily life and, let me tell you, it’s not as easy as it sounds. For others, it may look different, but for me it means putting the phone away for hours at a time, turning the TV off unless I am actively watching it, looking people in the eye when they are talking, planning my day, taking a moment to step back and look at what is truly important in my life RIGHT NOW, and sincerely thinking about what I think a good life would look in the near and distant future.

I’m not a psychologist, counselor, or guru, so maybe what I’m saying doesn’t relate to you at all. But, I can tell you that after a short time of making it a point to “be deliberate about being deliberate,” I can see some immediate positive impact in my personal life. I’d wager a hefty bet that the long-term benefits will be numerous as well. The young lady at the drive-thru window changed my perspective in a way in which very few people have done before. Maybe she DID know what she was doing. Either way, I’d like to thank her for putting that straw in my bag.

I was taking my daughter to preschool a few months ago and, like nearly every other morning, she was gearing up to conquer her day in an energetic and rambunctious way. She was singing random songs, quoting odd facts, and asking aimless questions. We took the same route we have always taken and we were at a particularly mundane section of the drive when one of her random thoughts hit me like a sack of bricks.

We were traveling north and the sun was at just the perfect spot in the sky to be obstructed periodically by the small buildings on the east side of the road. “Bye-bye sun! Hello, sun! Bye-bye sun! Hello, sun!” she would yell as the buildings blocked the light as we traveled on the highway. I’m not sure what it was about that particular morning that made me pause, but a thought came to my mind that I felt like I needed to share.

That big ball of gas has a radius of over 400,000 miles and is floating out in space more than 94 million miles away from our planet. It is so massive that its force causes 9 planets (or 10 for you Pluto purists) to orbit around it. It is the center of a solar system for crying out loud. So how is it even possible that it can be obstructed by a 1-story antique mall between Dardanelle and Russellville?

Well, it’s all about perspective. One definition provided by dictionary.com for that word is, “the state of existing in space before the eye.” We don’t have to be physicists to realize that where we are in relation to an object is just as much of a factor as size or distance from that object in terms of how we view it. We don’t think about it every day, but we just know. For instance, objects appear to be larger when you view them up close than they do from a further distance.

But, another definition provided for perspective is, “the state of one’s ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship.” All of this made me think of something that I remember hearing on a youth group trip to St. Louis when I was no more than 12 years old. If it caught my attention at that age enough to stick, it’s probably worth repeating.

We were sitting in a Mcdonald’s that overlooked the freeway. It was late in the evening and all of the cars passing by looked like darting streams of light that were here one second and gone just as quickly. One of the adults at the table said, “You see all of those balls of light flickering down there? Every one of them has a person or family in it that has its own set of unique problems. Some of them may be dealing with the death of a child. Others may have just been fired from work. There may be someone who was recently diagnosed with cancer. Some have already lost hope and others may not even realize the blessings they have been given.”

I don’t think about that story as often as I used to, but I am grateful that my daughter’s dance with the sun brought it back to the front of my mind for a moment. The last 2 years have been hard on my family and there have been plenty of times that I sat around and felt sorry for myself. I’ve felt unloved, unappreciated, and even invisible at times. But one thing I’ve learned through it all is that the best weapon to fight an enemy like that is thankfulness.

I don’t know if anyone will read this or if anyone who happens to read this needs to hear it, but if there is someone out there looking for unsolicited advice, let me offer a thought that has helped me through the rough patches. When things feel like they can’t get any worse, look around at who and what you have in your life and be grateful for everything. Some of the things you take for granted would be tremendous blessings to those who don’t have them. A little bit of change in perspective can go a long way in easing the pain in your life. You may even be able to turn something bleak and dreary into something beautiful and fulfilling.